How to ask a friend if they're okay

When you're worried about a mate, sometimes the best thing you can do is start a conversation about how they’re going and let them know you're there for them. Check out our seven simple steps to showing up for a friend who might be going through a tough time.

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Find the right time

Choose a calm, quiet moment when you won’t be interrupted. Whether it’s during a walk, after class, or just hanging out, make sure there’s space to talk freely. If they’re not ready, that’s okay – let them know you’re there when they are.

Start the conversation

Use open questions to start things off. Here are some examples:

• 'Hey, how have you been lately? What's been happening?'

• ‘You haven’t seemed yourself lately – want to talk?’

• ‘You’ve missed footy a lot, is everything okay?’

If they don’t feel like talking to you, ask if there’s someone else they trust that they can talk to. The important thing is letting them know they’re not alone.

Listen without fixing

Let them talk without jumping in with advice or trying to fix things. Show you’re listening by nodding, asking questions and acknowledging how they’re feeling.

Encourage next steps

If they do open up, ask what might help right now. You could suggest writing things down, making a plan, or talking to a trusted adult or mental health professional . Offer to help them make a call or send a message.

Check in again

Keep checking in – it doesn’t end with one talk. Follow up a few days later. Sometimes it takes time for someone to open up and process how they’re feeling.

If it’s serious, act

If you’re worried they’re in danger or not safe, it’s important to act. Talk to a parent, teacher or another trusted adult. If it’s urgent, call 000 or a helpline like Lifeline (13 11 14) or Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800).

Look after yourself, too

Caring for someone else can be heavy. Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling and take time to rest and practise self-care . If you need extra support, reach out to a professional like a counsellor or psychologist . You can also chat with a peer worker through ReachOut PeerChat – it’s free and text-based.

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