How connecting with your values can guide you during tough times

Published 18 December 2025

When something big or distressing happens, it can stir up a whole range of emotions. You might feel sad, angry, helpless, frustrated or motivated, or all of these at once. At times like this, it can be hard to know where to put your energy or what to do next.

That’s where your values can help. Values are your core beliefs about what matters to you and how you show up for yourself and others. When things feel uncertain or overwhelming, values act like a steady anchor – helping you to feel more grounded and giving you a clearer sense of direction.

Why values help when emotions run high

During tough moments, your emotions can sometimes make everything feel urgent or out of control. You may swing between wanting to act and feeling like you can’t do anything at all. These reactions are normal, but they might leave you feeling pretty overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure about what to do next.

Your values don’t make those feelings disappear, but they can help you to respond to them in a way that feels intentional. Think of your values as an internal compass. They can help you to:

make choices in a way that feels meaningful and true to you
acknowledge your strong emotions without being consumed by them
pause, instead of reacting to everything at once
stay connected to yourself, even when things feel unfair or heavy
take small actions that help you to feel steadier and more in control.

How to figure out your core values

You might already have a sense of what matters most to you, or you might still be figuring this out. Either way, these questions can be helpful in figuring out your core values:

Who do you admire, and why? What qualities do they show that you’d like to live by?
What things really upset you or stick with you when you see them in the world? Often, this points to a value you care deeply about.
What are you most proud of about yourself?
What is it about your family, culture and community that you’re proud of? Our values are often shaped by the environments and people we grow up with.

Here are some common guiding values:

Authenticity: being genuinely yourself, no matter what.
Kindness and compassion: treating others and yourself with care.
Growth and learning: always seeking to improve and understand more about yourself and the world.
Honesty and integrity: telling the truth and doing the right thing, even when it’s hard.
Community and connection: showing up for others and building relationships where you’ve got each other’s backs.

If you’re still unsure, talking it through with a trusted person who knows you well, like a mentor or a mental health professional, can help you to clarify what truly motivates you.

Practical ways to put values into practice

The ‘next right action’ check-in

When you feel stuck, stressed or unsure, pause and ask yourself: ‘What’s the next right action I can take that aligns with my values?’

If you value community, it could be showing up to a local event or supporting a community-led initiative.
If you value kindness, it might be checking in on a friend, donating time or resources to a cause you care about, or simply being patient with yourself or someone else.
If you value integrity, it could be standing your ground on something you believe in, or choosing not to engage in unhelpful conversations online.
If you value justice, it might mean signing a petition, speaking up when you witness bias, discrimination or bullying , learning about an issue, or sharing a resource from a grassroots creator.

Have conversations that matter to you

Not all action has to be public or visible. Sometimes living your values shows up in how you think, what you say, and how you listen to others, especially when emotions are strong or people have different opinions. Having conversations in a way that reflects your values might look like:

staying curious, instead of locking into one fixed perspective
listening to understand
sharing how something affects you
stepping away from conversations that feel hard.

Set boundaries and build habits

If a value matters to you, it’s okay to protect it. Setting boundaries – like cutting back on social media, limiting the amount of distressing or graphic content you consume, or saying ‘no’ when you need a rest – is a way of caring for your wellbeing and staying capable of showing up.

This also applies in your personal life. You won’t always share the same values with your loved ones and that’s okay, but it’s still important to be respectful of each other’s opinions. Here are some tips on how to respectfully discuss politics with your friends and family . If there are people in your life who don’t extend the same respect to you and your values, it’s also okay to step back and stay firm in your boundaries.

You can also build small habits that reflect your world-view. If you value community, that might mean spending an hour a month helping at a local garden or joining a youth-led group. If you value creativity, it could be giving yourself 20 minutes to draw something without worrying whether it’s ‘good’.

Redefine ‘success’

In tough times, it can be easy to feel like success is about doing enough, saying the right thing or always knowing what to do. But when you define success based on your values, you become the judge of your own worth.

If you value growth, success might be about trying your best and learning something new. If you value connection, it could be about having a meaningful conversation with a friend on a hard day.

You get to decide what ‘doing well’ looks like for you. And remember, living your values isn’t about perfection – it’s about direction.

Focus on what you can control

When we’re having a tough time, we often zero in on things we can't change. You might notice yourself replaying the same worries or imagining the worst-case scenario. This is a really common response when you care deeply about what’s happening.

While you might not be able to control everything, you can choose how you respond. Focusing on what’s within your control – like your actions, your values, and how you treat yourself and others – can help break that cycle and bring your attention back to the present.

It can also help to check in with your thoughts. Ask yourself: